When I was younger (before marriage and children), I had a dream for myself. I always *thought* that I wanted to be a nurse. But my very first dream was joining the U.S. Navy. During my senior year in High School I was completely enthralled with the notion that I would go into the Navy. Not sure why the Navy, considering my dad was in the Army. But it was what I wanted. I wanted to be a medic, then go onto nursing and eventually work my way into being a Flight Nurse. I had never experienced anything in the medical field, other than a short stint volunteering for the Red Cross one summer, a couple years prior.
I remember sitting down at the dinner table with my parents one evening and I handed them a stack of papers; "Mom, Dad: I want to join the Navy. Here's the info, here's where you need to sign. Thanks." I literally thought it would be just that easy. My parents were great at guiding me in the "right" direction (if there really is such a thing), but also let me learn from my own mistakes. They let me be a teenager. Pretty much do what I wanted, within reason, but always kept a loose reins for those "just in case" moments, I ever went buck wild. I never really did. My mom recently said that she was pretty grateful that I was a "good kid" and not some rebellious punk. I've done some off-the-wall things, but nothing that would send either of my parents to their grave, early. I rebelled a little at times too. What teenage kid doesn't?
Anyway, we're at the dinner table and it went DEAD SILENT. I can just tell by the silence, so silent you could hear a mouse fart, they were either a.) in shock (fact) or b) pondering ways to lock me in my room forever (probably also a fact). It would turn out that it wasn't the idea of joining the Navy that they were against, they wanted better for me. As in, if I was so dead set on joining the military to go to college first and go in as an officer. I didn't understand the major differences or roles of the enlisted or officer ranks. I just wanted to go in the Navy. It was one of the only "adult" decisions my parents would help make for me.
I didn't join the Navy, instead, I finished High School. DUH! I decided to give my parents the benefit of doubt and they helped me ease into college. I took a few classes to get the ball rolling on my back-up plan. Nursing. Somewhere along the way I got lost in my new found "adulthood". I was young, naive, worked hard, partied harder. I was living MY life, for me. Europe was definitely the place to be for a young and carefree girl, like me.
During this same time, I met a young man. Actually I had met him during my senior year but never gave him the time of day. It wasn't till several months after I graduated that I finally decided to give it a go. We dated, traveled to Paris together. Partied together. We just had fun together. I thought I was "oh so in love". About 9-10 months into our relationship I found out I was pregnant. WHOA, hello curve-ball! We decided to get married, without any thought to what we were doing or the repercussions.
By the summer of 1999 I was on an airplane, by myself, Pregnant, headed back the U.S. Scared half out of my mind and absolutely no idea where I was going. I know his family was just as shocked at the news. Here they were meeting the "new" family member. They embraced me with open arms, even if they were cautious. Looking back now, I understand why! My daughter was born that November and my life changed forever. The following year and a half is almost a blur anymore. Somewhere in that hectic life of mine, I had managed to go back to school for nursing, get job in a hospital and still be mom and wife. At the same time, things happened within my personal relationship that left my, then, husband and I, headed in separate directions.
slowly burning....
Spring of 2001 my dad was newly retired and my parents had moved to California. I called my mom on a Wednesday, told her what was going on. By that Friday she had flown in and Saturday morning, we would start the 1600 mile trek back to California, from Kansas. We stopped in Denver the first night. I sat in that hotel room, looking at my beautiful baby girl, I was a blubbering mess and wondering where I had went wrong. Mom and I sat and talked for hours and she even mentioned, that if I wanted to turn around and go back, we could. I didn't! We rolled into California and I never looked back.
Just embers now...
The next few years would pass and many changes would happen. Life-changes. Sooo many changes...Somewhere in all those changes I found myself again. Just me, working, going to school and striving for a better future my daughter and I.
I was living in a small town in North Central Arkansas. I was living, eating and breathing school and work. Three to four 12-hour night shifts at the local hospital, each week, and a full-time college schedule. Dangit, I was going to make it into the R.N. program. Even if it meant getting off at 7:30 am to head to a Trigonometry class by 8:45 am. Go home take a short nap. Head to Chem II class. Head home. Pick Jenna up from Daycare. Get ready for work and do all over again the next morning with A&P II and Philosophy classes beginning promptly. I was so burned out in 2 years in and 9 credits shy of entry into the program, that my brain was a jumbled mess.
Cos^2 0 + Sin^2 0 = 1-->Et tu Brute--> polar covalent bonds--> did I forget to empty that foley bag?--> basic path of renal blood flow....What day is it again?
I felt like I was sitting in my high school Latin class again, and not of the spanish variety!! ( I promise I learned something Mr. W. )
Nothing but ash...
You're probably wondering where I'm going with this...I have a point. Promise!
When my husband and I married in 2005, I kind of thought of him as my savior. I know people probably questioned our relationship and probably placed bets how long we'd last. Jokes on you, isn't it? I quit my job. Moved to North Carolina with him and we began a new life together. I was forced to slow down a little and recoup. It was a blessing in disguise. I quit nursing all together and honestly, I don't really regret it. I know it probably seems like a waste of time, but it was a learning experience.
Rising from the ashes...
Last year, after a long hiatus from both work and school, I decided to deviate from my previous path. I enrolled in school again. On July 15, 2012, I graduated after only 11 months, with my Associates of Arts in Foundations of Business. Not even a week later I went feet first into my Bachelors program. In 22 months I will be done with my Bachelors.
Seven years later, 3 more kids; life has thrown me for a loop a time or two. I have learned some very valuable lessons and there isn't anything about my past that I would change. So, here's my literal, and figurative, shout-out to The University of Phoenix. Thanks for the opportunity. Because just when I thought I was nothing more than "ash" I rose from those ashes and was given another chance.
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